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Coming out
Oct. 11th, 2010 08:18 amIt's National Coming Out day. I don't know whether to wish friends a "Happy NCOD" or not. I mean, I hope everyone has a good day, but it's more complicated. For some, it's a celebration of identity. But for others, it's a reminder of how much farther we have to go, on both personal and cultural levels.
This culture deals poorly with sexuality. It's getting better for people who are clearly gay or lesbian, using the argument, "well G-d made them that way" among other things. Many people can get the idea that someone would fall in love with another person of their own gender, instead of the contra gender. In some ways, the movement for same-gender marriage has helped gays gain acceptance, because people can connect with the idea that someone would want to find their life partner, and stay with them.
But to me, it's so much more than that.
I am bisexual. I have always been bisexual, and probably always will be. It's not a stage. I am not confused. It's not that I "can't make up my mind". I am also polyamorous, and probably always have been, certainly since I was 20 or so. I just don't get monogamy. I think that casual sex, i.e. without a long-term commitment, is fine. All of these are what works *for me*. I'm not saying anyone else should be any of them. I know plenty of people who are mono-sexual, monogamous, and need to be married or in a serious relationship to be sexual. But that is not where I have ever been.
Bisexual and transsexual people are still behind the curve. What we want is not always the same as what lesbians and gays want. There is still discrimination within the GLBT community. For some, polyamory is the new sexuality that "dare not speak it's name". And "promiscuity", i.e. being sexual with many people, without marriage or relationship, is beyond the pale. People still get arrested for BDSM. The culture still seeks to tightly control sex.
I know people who are lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and a few who don't really have a good label for themselves, as well as straight allies. Lets all celebrate our wonderful spectrum of sexualities today.
"Sex is a goodness. It bets the hell out of card games" - Stranger in a Strange Land
This culture deals poorly with sexuality. It's getting better for people who are clearly gay or lesbian, using the argument, "well G-d made them that way" among other things. Many people can get the idea that someone would fall in love with another person of their own gender, instead of the contra gender. In some ways, the movement for same-gender marriage has helped gays gain acceptance, because people can connect with the idea that someone would want to find their life partner, and stay with them.
But to me, it's so much more than that.
I am bisexual. I have always been bisexual, and probably always will be. It's not a stage. I am not confused. It's not that I "can't make up my mind". I am also polyamorous, and probably always have been, certainly since I was 20 or so. I just don't get monogamy. I think that casual sex, i.e. without a long-term commitment, is fine. All of these are what works *for me*. I'm not saying anyone else should be any of them. I know plenty of people who are mono-sexual, monogamous, and need to be married or in a serious relationship to be sexual. But that is not where I have ever been.
Bisexual and transsexual people are still behind the curve. What we want is not always the same as what lesbians and gays want. There is still discrimination within the GLBT community. For some, polyamory is the new sexuality that "dare not speak it's name". And "promiscuity", i.e. being sexual with many people, without marriage or relationship, is beyond the pale. People still get arrested for BDSM. The culture still seeks to tightly control sex.
I know people who are lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and a few who don't really have a good label for themselves, as well as straight allies. Lets all celebrate our wonderful spectrum of sexualities today.
"Sex is a goodness. It bets the hell out of card games" - Stranger in a Strange Land
